I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
