Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
