Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
