You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize