So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
