Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
