I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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