It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
