Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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