Too much gin, very little bucket
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found the puke drawer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
