Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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