Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
