Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize