dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
