My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
