This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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