please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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