did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
