What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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