After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize