I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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