she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
