1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize