I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
