Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
