drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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