k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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