ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
