He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
