Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
