I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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