I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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