woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
