there's paper in my vomit.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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