I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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