You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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