whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize