Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
