just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
