8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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