I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
