I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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