the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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