allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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