Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
