On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
