dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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