I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
