We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
