Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think weed is turning my hair brown
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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