I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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