my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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