Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
