I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
