naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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