It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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