How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
