I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
