I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
