I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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