Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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