I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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