my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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