I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize