do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
