He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
