I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
