Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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