At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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