so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize