You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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