there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
