i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize