what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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