I wish I could teleport
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
