then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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