how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
