you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
