She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
