I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
