Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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