just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
