what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
