I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
