I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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